“So if ever someone says to you,

‘Life isn’t fair,

Get used to it’,

Then you should say,

‘Well it might be,

If folks like you

Would let it be’.”

 “The Lowering”  The Avett Brothers  
 

Yesterday I tripped over my backpack.  I found myself face down on the carpet with a rug-burned knee and bruised shin, my backpack right beside me where I placed it 5 minutes prior.   Aunt Janelle was concerned at first but neither of us could contain our laughter when we realized why I was on the ground.  On my way to creating myself, on my big journey of imparting wisdom to all of you, I fell over my own backpack.   
 

30 May 2005, Memorial Day.  Derek Argel left behind a wife, Wendy, and baby boy, Logan when he was killed in deployment as a special operations officer in .   Derek paid the ultimate sacrifice for his country, for you, for me, for his son.  
 

Tell Derek’s family that life’s not fair, that their son, husband, father should still be here. 
 

Still known today as the ’s greatest female middle distance runner, Mary Decker-Slaney knows a thing or two about what’s fair.  Stress fractures kept her from the 1976 Montreal Olympics.  In 1980 after setting four world records at the Trials, the boycott crushed her Olympic hopes at the Soviet Games.  Holding seven American Records, and two World Championships, she was considered a sure bet for a medal in the 3000 meters at the 1984 Olympic Games.  A picture speaks a thousand words and one taken 1984 portrays the most memorable tumble in Olympic history.  Tripped from behind, Slaney crashes into the infield, as the snap of a lens captures a heart breaking image of a girl consumed by tremendous loss, as yet another Olympic dream races away down the track. 

 
Tell Mary Decker-Slaney she got the short end of the stick. 
 

Brandon Jones has what it takes to get to the next level, but more than that he has the drive, the passion, and the memory of a biomechanically sound body.  At 28 he’s bound for professional soccer, a dream he put aside for 8 years to balance college soccer with a military academy life and Air Force career.  After years of overuse leading to multiple surgeries Brandon now has no cartilage, no functional tendons in his right knee, a broken foot, and now a failing left knee.  He keeps playing, coaches realize his skill, he’s a valuable asset to any team, he can’t stop, he continues to play.  His body screams and continues to degrade, his heart aches for the game.  He’d make a pro soccer team in a second, he’d be a there if his heart could carry his body.  
 

Tell Brandon it’s over, confront him with reality.   
 

Matt Dixon threw his life into upheaval to pursue a career as a professional triathlete.  To reach the potential that so many others saw in him, to find out who he was on the race course.  He saw a road in front of him, it was long and incredibly bright, but along the way his immune system suffered serious damage.  He could have been the “next top pro”.  Matt struggles now with long term damage, forcing him to retire after a short unfulfilled pro career.   
 

Tell Matt it’s too bad he couldn’t see where that road led; tell him “jeez man, life’s a bitch”. 
 

Phil Cutti threw a mean slider, living every boys dream and pitching for the Indians out of college.  But his elbow could only sustain so many surgeries and malpractice suits in the major leagues.  He made the unlikely transition to elite running, towering above the skinny well-suited marathoners, but running alongside them just the same.  Cycling was a natural progression on Phil’s road to success in triathlon but after being broadsided by a van while on his bike he was again relegated to the bench.  Still years down the road Phil deals with the rehab of a broken back. 
 

Tell Phil maybe it be safer to fold, just accept the cards he’s been dealt and cut his losses.  Ask Phil if he’s done.   
 

George Bernard Shawn said “Life’s not about finding yourself, Life is about creating yourself”.  At what point do you look at yourself in the mirror and find who you are apart from your accomplishments, aside from that “high” of running, soccer, an Olympic dream.  I can tell you where Phil Cutti has found his passion.  I see it in his eyes, his smile, the way he lives his life, in his family, Gretchen and Kylie, his time on the roads or the trails, and sharing his experience and expertise with athletes at every level. 
 

Matt Dixon has built a name for himself in Endurance Sports, he’s used his experiences to guide others away from the mistakes he made himself, he delved into science and physiology to understand the stresses of training and the adaptations of the human body.  He’ll still punish anyone on the bike, and that happiness he still finds on the roads now transforms into a true joy in seeing others succeed.   Matt could easily focus on the fact that life served him up a raw deal, but you can hear in his voice that he’s made the harder decision to create his own fairness.

 
Take one look at Mary Decker-Slaney today, and she’ll laugh at how old ladies still remember her as “the girl who fell over”.   Her smile, when she is with her husband, daughter and two dogs, shares the same happiness that radiated out of her eyes as a young girl on the track.  At some point she refused to let the “unfairness” define her life. 
 

Tell Brandon Jones to stop playing soccer, to let his body heal.  Really hear him when he says he needs closure.  You’ll feel the pain somewhere deep down where it hurts, as you see him struggle to leave that behind him and walk on, fighting to create his fairness.  
 

Tell Derek’s mom Debbie you are sorry for her loss and, like a strong loving mother she’ll slap your wrist and tell you never to say sorry, only to remember, only to carry Derek with you, to be that person to others that he was to us.  
 

At some point we are faced with “two primary choices: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them” (Dr Denis Waitley).  No matter if those conditions are highlighted by Sports Illustrated, recognized by family, realized by a look of true sorrow, remembered on a gravestone, or felt for the first time deep inside on a lonely drive at 4:30 in the morning.  It’s not about giving up, settling for second best or continuing the fight no matter what the consequence.  It is about marrying a smile, a personally-found joy, with whatever life throws your way.  All these people have two things in common, their unforeseeable limits, be they physical, environmental or circumstantial, and their refusal to let their sport, accomplishments, events or life’s “unfairness” define them.   
 

Look around and you will find unfairness everywhere, sad stories, tragic events, but the only thing you can control is the fairness in your own life.  If life deals you a rough hand, change the game.  Limp off the track, step off the field, pick yourself up, get back on your bike, change your stride, lean on friends, learn from your experiences, create yourself.  And on your way be prepared to trip over your backpack, to end up on the ground looking up at surprised faces, humbled.  Learn about yourself, learn that walking with your head held high may not always be the proper thing to do, take a minute, lower your head, define your obstacles, pick a direction, define your path, and if you run head first in to something while counting your money from the ATM it’s about time you pick your head up and run on. 

Lara Brown a native of Portland, Oregon currently resides in Redmond, Washington .  After attending the Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs she served 5 years in the Air Force.  She is presently competing as a professional triathlete, and works as a freelance writer and marketing consultant.  Feel free to email lara@larabrown.net